Rats

I'm so pissed off right now I can't even think. I don't even know what I'm doing anymore; I feel completely lost. Part of me thinks I should skip spring break to stay and work on my research paper, but then I realize that it wouldn't work, I would just get frustrated anyway, and not get anything done or get something done but it would be so terrible that I might as well have just gone to Georgia anyway. But then I realize that Georgia would be equally unproductive, and I don't mean in an academic sense but in the sens that I would go, have some okay times, get drunk and run around like an idiot, funfunfun, but then I would just come back having gained nothing from the experience, back to my middling life and my old anxieties, and with the added stress of not having worked on my paper. Okay, so maybe I finish my work in time. Maybe I do. Maybe I get by. But even if I get the credit, it isn't worth anything if it isn't worth anything, you know? Progress without quality is not progress, it's all superficial and a waste of time. I'm just very angry at everyone, mostly myself but also my parents, and my old teachers, and everyone who told me lies about the way that life was going to be when I grow up. Nothing good has happened in my youth, and the prospects of future glory only start to crest as I begin my decline into a stagnant adulthood.

We've cheekily nick-named the wireless network for our house "Miss Maplethorpe's House of Regret." Fuckin' A.