Now I done it. I guess I had a few too many last night, and yelled at some people, so now the housemates are planning an intervention or something tomorrow.
What terrors could this new development hold for Captain Drunkypants and his Blog of Might?! Stay tuned.
Sunday, November 22, 2009
Thursday, November 19, 2009
Quick Update
The last week has been incredibly stressful. I'm glad it's over, though my work is far from done. At least I've managed to go more than four days without feeling compelled to drink my sorrows away. Tonight I can have a good time knowing I'm doing it just to do it, and not to suppress my emotions.
A couple weeks ago I "canceled" my facebook account, on a whim. It's sort of freeing, not feeling compelled to log on daily or semi-daily just to live vicariously through others. I'm sure I'll get pulled back in soon enough, but for now I'm pretty content.
Oh, blog-world, what a strange year it's been! The highs are immense and the lows are crushing. One can only look towards the future with clear eyes and hope in one's heart. At least I have an outlet to express myself when all else fails. For now, as always, I remain earnestly yours.
A couple weeks ago I "canceled" my facebook account, on a whim. It's sort of freeing, not feeling compelled to log on daily or semi-daily just to live vicariously through others. I'm sure I'll get pulled back in soon enough, but for now I'm pretty content.
Oh, blog-world, what a strange year it's been! The highs are immense and the lows are crushing. One can only look towards the future with clear eyes and hope in one's heart. At least I have an outlet to express myself when all else fails. For now, as always, I remain earnestly yours.
Saturday, October 31, 2009
Upgrade U
I'm sitting at work, for some reason listening to Beyoncé, thinking that I've not appreciated Beyoncé's music enough, but more prominently thinking about an awkward series of interactions I just had at my house, wondering whether or not I should be embarrassed if awkward things happen in my own digs, trying to shake off the whole thing in general so I can do some fucking work, and finally attempting to finish this post, ending a drought of activity for this sorry little on-line journal of mine.
Here's what I wrote and left unfinished and unposted yesterday at work (yes, after sipping a certain measure of amber liquid):
"A few things happened last night. None of them were important.
I am unsurprised, yet dismayed all the same, to find that my friends seem to grow funnier and more rich in character every day, while I just get drunker and sadder. Sure, it's fine material for my forthcoming memoir, to be published by HarperCollins in 2024, but I"
It ends there. I don't really know where I was going with that--likely toward some snarky twist that would resolve the thought logically without actually having confronted its twisted mental origins. Upon the urging of a few of my housemates I will be seeing a therapist this coming week, and how that will come out I can't say. But regardless, I'm going to try and avoid the spirals into shameful, self-destructive behavior that have tended claim my mid-week activity as of late.
I don't know what "A few things happened last night" refers to; nothing actually did happen on All Hallows' Even, I simply sat around in my regular clothes and did not have great experiences with exciting people. I did lie on the couch and zone out to melancholy tunes, so, maybe that's a night well spent. I don't know.
This week might be interesting. I'll keep you posted, invisible audience.
Here's what I wrote and left unfinished and unposted yesterday at work (yes, after sipping a certain measure of amber liquid):
"A few things happened last night. None of them were important.
I am unsurprised, yet dismayed all the same, to find that my friends seem to grow funnier and more rich in character every day, while I just get drunker and sadder. Sure, it's fine material for my forthcoming memoir, to be published by HarperCollins in 2024, but I"
It ends there. I don't really know where I was going with that--likely toward some snarky twist that would resolve the thought logically without actually having confronted its twisted mental origins. Upon the urging of a few of my housemates I will be seeing a therapist this coming week, and how that will come out I can't say. But regardless, I'm going to try and avoid the spirals into shameful, self-destructive behavior that have tended claim my mid-week activity as of late.
I don't know what "A few things happened last night" refers to; nothing actually did happen on All Hallows' Even, I simply sat around in my regular clothes and did not have great experiences with exciting people. I did lie on the couch and zone out to melancholy tunes, so, maybe that's a night well spent. I don't know.
This week might be interesting. I'll keep you posted, invisible audience.
Friday, October 9, 2009
You're Tearing Me Apart
Last night I got high and went into town to see Rebel Without a Cause. At the theater I noticed a guy from one of my classes working concessions and, due to my reactions being slowed, I stared at him for about ten seconds before realizing who he was. By that time he had noticed and tentatively waved, and I had made my awkwardness completely apparent. Normally I can use my quick wit to deflect moments of tension or social anxiety. Unfortunately, I cannot make jokes when I am high. My attempts at humor come out like the schizophrenic ramblings of a middle-school ADHD case.
I attempted to ask him for something and it came out like this: "Ah, yeah can I get some of the.... ummmm.... behind there the... over there... Junior Mints." It was among the top-five worst candy requests I have ever made.
It was all right, though. The movie was fun to watch and the Junior Mints were the perfect choice. When I got back I took a shower and drank a lot of beer. Last week I got way too excited and rowdy and really pissed off a friend--the first time I've ever done so in college. (I think.) So this time I promised myself I'd stay fairly mellow, to undercut the possibility of any more ill-advised shenanigans.
I capped off my night by throwing a pumpkin off the balcony.
I attempted to ask him for something and it came out like this: "Ah, yeah can I get some of the.... ummmm.... behind there the... over there... Junior Mints." It was among the top-five worst candy requests I have ever made.
It was all right, though. The movie was fun to watch and the Junior Mints were the perfect choice. When I got back I took a shower and drank a lot of beer. Last week I got way too excited and rowdy and really pissed off a friend--the first time I've ever done so in college. (I think.) So this time I promised myself I'd stay fairly mellow, to undercut the possibility of any more ill-advised shenanigans.
I capped off my night by throwing a pumpkin off the balcony.
Sunday, October 4, 2009
College, it’s the best
I’m sitting in the library attempting to prepare notes for a presentation that I have to deliver tomorrow morning for an article I don’t really understand in a class I’m not smart enough to comprehend. Sometimes I wonder if I shouldn’t have just saved the scratch, skipped higher education, and got a job at the local DQ. Oh, who am I kidding? I’m not driven enough to make Blizzards and shitty burgers all day for small-town yokels! I need the quiet fulfillment of superfluous, occasionally inebriated academic exploration to satisfy my youthful urges.
Sunday, September 27, 2009
Everybody Loves Me
I made the most of this past weekend. Even after scrubbing myself vigorously in the shower, I’m sure I must still smell faintly of whiskey and cigarettes. If that wasn’t evidence enough of my indulgent ways, the slight whiff of emotional damage lingers in the air. I guess I should explain, for the sake of compositional comprehensiveness, that I am socially paranoid. I’m pretty sure people are pissed off at me most of the time (except for those blessed souls who I’m quite sure don’t care about me one way or another), unless they tell me directly that they are pleased with my actions, and even then I’m not certain they’re not being sarcastic.
So I proceeded to progress, during each of the last few days, from sober and solemn in the morning to exceedingly rambunctious and abrasive as day turns to night and my scowl morphs into a mischievous grin. I couldn’t be more off-putting if I tried, which I know because I often do (try, that is; sometimes it’s fun to be weird).
Yesterday I woke up around 11, stayed in bed until 15 minutes before my shift, then ran out the door intending to grab some snacks near the library where I have to pick up the keys for work. The place was swarming with high school track kids having some kind of huge race. The school store wasn’t open yet and the café was closed as well. I didn’t have time to go back home and make a sandwich or anything so I just went to work intending to order some delivery. For some reason, I temporarily forgot that good food existed and ordered Dominos. Halfway through the pizza I was still hungry, but I had to force the carboard-y slices down my gullet; my stomach was screaming out in anguish. I believe I heard my name cursed in the watery gurgles emanating from my midsection.
Six hours later my shift ended and I went home. I knew I wouldn’t be able to get any work done, so I resigned myself to the night and poured a stiff whiskey and cola. I hung out with a couple of my housemates, we watched a bit of Happy Feet on TV. God damn it, that movie came off as bizarre. I’ve seen plenty of shitty animated films, but for the life of me I couldn’t figure out what the point of this movie was. To its credit, you couldn’t call it formulaic; I had no fucking clue where they were going with this tap-dancing penguin and his Mexican-Robin-Williams pals. I remarked that I’d imagine the film executives would assume the producers to be stoned when they heard the pitch. I hear it made a bajillion dollars though, so good on them I guess.
At some point, I remember trying to have a discussion with somebody that I had been rehearsing in my head all day, about how pleased I was with my life and all my clever and attractive friends, but I must have messed it up because he didn’t shower me with adoration and mutual appreciation.* I spent another hour or two furthering my drinking career, barging into people’s rooms, and playing music at an inappropriate volume. (I made a playlist on a computer not my own entitled “FUCK MUSIC,” which I realized afterward has a pleasing double meaning, and which I am excited to slip into the programme at our next social function.)
A couple nights ago before going to sleep, I opined to one of my housemates that nobody understood my insecurities, and that I just felt like I should be constantly apologizing to everyone around me. I remember saying that I felt like the social equivalent of George W. Bush: it is just my way to always ruin everything.
“I don’t know what to tell you,” she said. “We all really like you.”
*Mutual Appreciation is the title of another movie I watched over the weekend. It’s like the indie-est fucking picture you could imagine, but somehow it manages to totally steal my heart. I recommend it.
So I proceeded to progress, during each of the last few days, from sober and solemn in the morning to exceedingly rambunctious and abrasive as day turns to night and my scowl morphs into a mischievous grin. I couldn’t be more off-putting if I tried, which I know because I often do (try, that is; sometimes it’s fun to be weird).
Yesterday I woke up around 11, stayed in bed until 15 minutes before my shift, then ran out the door intending to grab some snacks near the library where I have to pick up the keys for work. The place was swarming with high school track kids having some kind of huge race. The school store wasn’t open yet and the café was closed as well. I didn’t have time to go back home and make a sandwich or anything so I just went to work intending to order some delivery. For some reason, I temporarily forgot that good food existed and ordered Dominos. Halfway through the pizza I was still hungry, but I had to force the carboard-y slices down my gullet; my stomach was screaming out in anguish. I believe I heard my name cursed in the watery gurgles emanating from my midsection.
Six hours later my shift ended and I went home. I knew I wouldn’t be able to get any work done, so I resigned myself to the night and poured a stiff whiskey and cola. I hung out with a couple of my housemates, we watched a bit of Happy Feet on TV. God damn it, that movie came off as bizarre. I’ve seen plenty of shitty animated films, but for the life of me I couldn’t figure out what the point of this movie was. To its credit, you couldn’t call it formulaic; I had no fucking clue where they were going with this tap-dancing penguin and his Mexican-Robin-Williams pals. I remarked that I’d imagine the film executives would assume the producers to be stoned when they heard the pitch. I hear it made a bajillion dollars though, so good on them I guess.
At some point, I remember trying to have a discussion with somebody that I had been rehearsing in my head all day, about how pleased I was with my life and all my clever and attractive friends, but I must have messed it up because he didn’t shower me with adoration and mutual appreciation.* I spent another hour or two furthering my drinking career, barging into people’s rooms, and playing music at an inappropriate volume. (I made a playlist on a computer not my own entitled “FUCK MUSIC,” which I realized afterward has a pleasing double meaning, and which I am excited to slip into the programme at our next social function.)
A couple nights ago before going to sleep, I opined to one of my housemates that nobody understood my insecurities, and that I just felt like I should be constantly apologizing to everyone around me. I remember saying that I felt like the social equivalent of George W. Bush: it is just my way to always ruin everything.
“I don’t know what to tell you,” she said. “We all really like you.”
*Mutual Appreciation is the title of another movie I watched over the weekend. It’s like the indie-est fucking picture you could imagine, but somehow it manages to totally steal my heart. I recommend it.
Sunday, September 20, 2009
Back in Back
I've been back at college for a couple weeks now, and it's been super!
I've been back at school for a couple weeks, and it's been all right. I watched some movies and had a few laughs, but all in all the experience is lacking a certain verve. I'm living with nine other motherfuckers this year, so that might be okay. We'll see how everything stacks up after some more time has passed. Maybe I'll write a post tomorrow. Don't count on it, though; you'll only be setting yourself up for disappointment.
-HFC
I've been back at school for a couple weeks, and it's been all right. I watched some movies and had a few laughs, but all in all the experience is lacking a certain verve. I'm living with nine other motherfuckers this year, so that might be okay. We'll see how everything stacks up after some more time has passed. Maybe I'll write a post tomorrow. Don't count on it, though; you'll only be setting yourself up for disappointment.
-HFC
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